Wednesday, June 20, 2007

25 - Time For More Philosophicalness

Hmmm that's a long and very dubious word, anyway...

Back when I was 23 I took a philosophical look on how life was and how I planned on life to pan out. I had other things on my mind when I hit 24 so now i'm 25 it's time to look at life again and see how it's going. I'm not going to repeat anything from previous years hopefully as they all link in together.

There is no way now that I can be described as early 20's. In fact i'm nearer to 30 than being a teenager which is a bit of a scary thought. However in reality i'm still feeling young and still able do stuff teenagers would do but just be wiser about it in the process.

I'm generally happy with work at the moment and seem to be doing well if not really going anywhere but hopefully I'll be back on the road to going somewhere if I start studying again in the Autumn. That'll mean I'll be a student again, but older and wiser and more knowledgeable this time around which will give me a better shot at it I reckon. Hopefully after three years then I'll be a somebody rather than a nobody but I feel valued enough at the moment which is why I'm happy and set for the longest time i've stayed in a job after another month.

Life has changed this year after the windfall as I moved out of my parents house though i'm not yet fully independent which will hopefully change by the end of the year as the washer is in place - just not being used. Other than this very little has gone on. Here is a list of things i've done and not done before I hit the quarter of a century.

Had children - Not done
Looked at other people's babies and thought "cute maybe in a few years" - Done

Been in love - Not done
Been loved - Not been aware of it (other than family of course)
Content but aware if it goes on many more years i'll be discontent

Hurt myself when drunk - Done (in style) - Proud, lesson learnt, wouldn't do again (probably)

Been to war - Not done - Not in army and not near World War 3 - Happy

I would say i'm becoming llowly slightly less fearful of rejection though I do have to have something else to focus on to get me through it. I am becoming ever more fearful of flying though which is a bit odd. I wouldn't say I'm scared of conflict any more but in the last five years or so I've become a much nicer person caring about other people a lot more.

Take last Saturday for example - five years ago I wouldn't have talked to Rob for half an hour to make him feel better I'd just have gone home and the girl who may never have got to Leeds I wouldn't have given a second thought to. It was only because she was hot I didn't help her!

I'm also becoming a much more patient person making me less likely to shout and hit people. It doesn't do me any good sometimes as I do get very frustrated inside but always seem to act cool and unflustered even when i'm not. I still appear not to care about things sometimes but often care more than others think. Perhaps I should give myself more me time and be selfish once in a while but again, with my personality I'm generally happy.

I've plenty friends but very few close friends especially very few who live nearby but feel i've always got someone to talk to if necessary. Content in this area.

I've never experienced the death of anyone close which concerns me a little as I don't know how i'd cope and by 25 I feel it is something I should've experienced. On the other hand hopefully i'm not going to go and kill people and am very grateful for this fact.

So my general feeling now i've hit the quarter century is of all round contentness. Things could be better in certain areas but with happiness comes complications and at the moment I'm just content with my simple life trying to ensure that everyone else around me is also content/happy.

Enough of that for another year. I wonder what will change before I hit 26?


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