A Bit Of Light Relief

On QI last night there were some very bad jokes. But they are often the best. Here's a few of them:

What's brown and sticky?
What's orange and sounds like a parrot?
What's red and stupid?
Why did the mushroom go to the party?

Answers at the bottom of the post.

Now for a story from the local weekly paper - The Brighouse Echo. I think they must've been a bit desperate for news. There were 2 pages on the Christmas lights switch on by Bernard Manning and whether or not he was suitable for the town and the following article which reached the side column on the front page:-

"Painful Problem

A RED faced Brighouse man had to be helped by firefighters when a metal ring became stuck on a delicate part of his body.
The man in his mid 50's, initially sought help at Huddersfield Royal Infirmary in the early hours of Tuesday morning when he couldn't remove the ring from his penis. He told Elland firefighters, who were called to remove the ring, he had been fooling around with his wife when the ring became stuck.
'It caused him discomfort and he was embarrassed' said a fire spokesman.
A junior hacksaw was used to remove the ring."

You've got to love the comment from the fire spokesman!

In my monthly Accounting Technician magazine there was an advert for a training college asking to "Enroll now". Erm not sure they'll be getting the extra mark available for correct spelling and grammar!

Speaking of bad grammar I saw a sign outside a pub this week saying "Book now for X'mas". It looked very wrong so I looked into it and found the following:-

What does the X stand for in Xmas?
The familiar abbreviation for Christmas originated with the Greeks. X is the first letter of the Greek word for Christ, Xristos.

So this (in my opinion) means the apostrophe is right but just looks wrong.

So the joke punchlines, if you didn't already know are:-

What's brown and sticky? A brown stick
What's orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot
What's red and stupid? A blood clot
Why did the mushroom go to the party? Because he was a fun-gi